I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
