the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
