WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
