Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
