Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
