Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
