I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
