A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
