part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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