Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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