so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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