I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
