somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
