Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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