Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
