I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are we still banned from the library?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
