Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
