btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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