okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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