HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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