You made me cry and you don't even care
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
