i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
