he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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