i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
