I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
