i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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