Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
