So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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