mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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