I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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