Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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