I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
