Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
