with your own penis?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
