Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize