Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
