hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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