I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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