He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
