i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
