The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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