you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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