So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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