i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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