When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
