I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
