Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
