I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
