Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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