My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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