She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
