Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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