A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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