just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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