i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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