I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
