I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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