I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
