she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
