he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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