OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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