So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
