He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
