conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
