i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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