i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
