dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
