Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
