a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
