Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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