i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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