for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
