38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
