Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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