I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
