Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
