I hate all girls vehemently.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
