He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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