I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
