He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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