I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
