fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
