Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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