got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
