Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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