I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize