Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
