We're like a lot better than the average bears
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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